Forgive Me Father...

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
I was a hater.
And content to be so.
I have a friend that I met my freshman year from France. A great kid, sweet, smart, wonderful, etc.
Except I wasted that year pining over an absolute arse. Absolute.
Friend liked me, showed interest, I shied away from that, crap about how I value our friendship or some other platitude.
Fast forward to visiting him and realising how swell he is.
Fast forward to him moving to an island and meeting a girl and being happy.
My probleme was that the girl is not cute. But more so than that, that that girl could have been me.
But nope.
So I hated on her and whatnot in my heart.
But then today I saw two new pictures posted of them and thought, "Aww they look so happy, maybe I shouldn't be so horrid."
Then I saw the caption for her whole album and it said, simply, "Tu(well, "il") me rends heureuse" He makes her happy.
And why should anyone hate on that.
I literally felt bad.
And this have recommitted to not talking about people or wishing for a past that didn't exist. I'm all for love and the thought that I would have disparaging remarks about someone my friend has chosen to invest energy and love in, is pretty horrid.
Sigh.
I'm only human,despite my best efforts.

Double Deuce

A year ago I was in Bordeaux celebrating my birthday with people I didn't know too well,but who would become very important and dear to my heart.
This year, I'm in Okla.on my friend's couch watching Anchorman.
I can honestly say that I'm happy and thankful for both situations.
Yesterday classes were cancelled today after 13h30 because of a crazy ice storm and we had no class today!
Score and a half as I used to say back in the day.
I spent the night at one of my closest friends house sippin' daiquiris fixin' to eat Shrimp Fettuchini. And she's just made me a cake that will have Nutella put on it...Last night I got to watch Jack wreck shop on people and yea...life is pretty good.
There are things that would make it better though:
*having my crush reciprocate...insert teenage "SIGH"
*figuring out what my future holds...(i.e. whether I find a job in D.C.(dream) or go back to France (dream) or great unknown...
*a HUGE jar of Nutella
*A better weather day
Other than that Viva la Vida!

What!!?!?!?!!?

*I don't understand why guys lie. This one guy who has liked me off and on for about 2.5 years has a Facebook status celebrating 2 years of growth and love with this girl who evidently he's been in a relationship with 2 years. But, yet and still he has professed his love for me over this time period.
That makes sense.
The great thing is that I never liked him.
The bad thing is,is that I listened to him sometimes.
Oh well, 2009 is a new year and he's so 2008.

Caught up

I've decided that as of 22, Janvier, 2009, I do not want to be caught.
That is to say that I do not want to be in a relationship. and maybe not even that, but I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is great and has cared for me for a long time(perhaps to long).
I feel like I dodged a bullet.
I was supposed to go visit said man and figure things out,but due to some unfortunate circumstances, I wasn't able to. (Chicks before...)
But it turned into a blessing. Because we went out and met the most beautiful man I've ever seen in person. Beautiful caramel skin. Gorgeous smile. And just all around lovely.
Later that night we went to an afterparty that was so much fun and I met another great guy. Charming.Soulful.Great.
And several things struck me. Had I gone to visit the guy I might have fooled myself into believing I liked him more than I do.
Had I gone to visit him, I wouldn't have been there for my friend or met those two guys.
Even if nothing beyond friendship happens, it's still worth it that I didn't go.
I wish I liked him. Because he's such a great guy,but the heart wants what it wants...who am I to tell my heart what to do. Even though it decided to break, give itself to undeserving people, etc...

Sofa King Happy

I am so happy.
As happy as at the beginning of a relationship when you consider every good thing that happens to be a direct consequence of the love in your life.
I felt that good today.
I'm in love with no one, but I was full of love and happiness today.
Why?
I don't know.
Maybe because: *January is my absolutely favourite month, bar none. * My birthday is fast approaching and I love birthdays *Barack is officially number 44 now * I got a ring pop today
*it was about 63 and absolutely beautiful. *I saw the most beautiful man I've ever seen again today* I didn't die last night* I had a Red Velvet Cupcake (so good!) *the lighting of the world was just right* I filed for graduation* I have beginning guitar* I love my body...there are SO many great things.
Things aren't perfect,but I feel so blessed to be alive in 2009 experiencing the newness of it all.
I want to danse constantly, and while I know many people would probably judge me, maybe even the closest ones, I know that there would be people dansing along.
And that's beautiful.