A lesson before dying...

So this older gentleman and his wife came in yesterday.He looked like a picture of health:naturally tan skin, beautiful grey hair, and straight, bright teeth. He looked like several pilots I've seen in my life. His wife was slim and silent,but content looking.
He shipped his package and somewhere in the course of a few minutes slipped in that he was a cancer patient and a former pilot.
I was taken aback and instantly thought of Prof. Randy Paush of Last Lecture fame.
The gentleman then shared a little red book that he had written full of his thoughts on life and what's important.
I had to fight back tears when he shared that he and his wife had been married for 42 years.
Anyway, a constant theme I read in books by people close to death is perspective.
Mr. Tobias, Randy Pausch and others reiterate the importance of figuring out what's significant and living life accordingly. It's such a great reminder, even if sobering, that life is not only so short, but not gauranteed for very long. Why waste time being unhappy when you can be? Why waste time doing stuff you don't want to (within reason) when you can live the live you imagine, instead of imagining it?
Futhermore knowing how precious life is what do I look like caring about stupid stuff?
Raggedy.
I try to do that,but I know I could do a better job. The most important things to me right now are *enjoying my time with my awesome family before I leave for France *keeping in touch with the people I love (not trying to, but doing it)*enjoying my summer as much as I can.*trying to get through my epic book and movie list*continuing my writing
Making beaucoup money is not on there.My parents are kind of annoying me suggesting, with the best of intentions, that I work like a slave in Texas prior to Juneteenth so that I have money when i get to France. But I know that I lived on a lot lot less when I was in Bordeaux and so know that I can live within and even beneath my means.
I really just want to be happy and am naive enough to think that I can do so without a lot of extra things in my life.
Except for my books :)

Kinky Gazpacho...get into this

So I've been reading like a fiend this summer. It's a relatively cheap pleasure that yields such rich returns. I'm currently on a Kundera kick and pondering the great mysteries of life such as the nature of love and individuality and whether either can be understood. In fact if any human can be understood because we all speak different languages, symbolic languages that is.
I'm pretty excited about re-reading Kinky Gazpacho. This memoir is a beautiful story of a woman who reminds me of myself in someways. (That's not why it's beautiful though) It's about her learning the steps to dancing between two cultures: American and Spanish and somewhere finding her nirvana. There aren't many novels about African-American women travelling the world, yet there are so many who do, and whose stories could fill volumes of tomes. It's interesting to read about the Lori's experiences in Spain and compare them to my own in France. Hopefully, one day I'll add to this literary dialogue, but until then I can re-read and encourage y'all(who ever is reading this) to read it. To sum it up in a sentence? It's like Eat, Pray, Love (also one of my favourites) without as much whining and more flavor.
I lent it to a very dear friend who is actually studying in Spain this summer and I can't wait for her to come home, not only because I miss her, but because I'm going to re-read this book...actually I'll just buy it in paperback :)

Jesus be the end of the day!

I started this morning at 2h00 because of a really horrid bad dream.I laid in bed fitfully until 7h30ish when I had to go for (30 min.of)training at job #2.
It's not 17h51 and I want nothing more than to go through a time warp and have it be Sept.3 when I'll see my four closest best friends my Oklahomies per se.
...I don't know if I can do this summer with two jobs. I'm already rather exhausted and looking raggedy.
I don't like worrying about money and agree with my friend D Mack that the world would be better if we didn't use it. I know it's my responsibility to take care of myself because I'm an "adult" but it's not so much fun.
Haha.
Ben Folds nailed it when he said"everybody knows it sucks to grow up"...

How the hell?

How the hell is one out and about after attempting to kidnap members of the Federal Reserve Board?
How the hell does that happen?
It shouldn't have. It's the mixed blessing bag of tricks we have in the First Amendment that allows people to say(write, publish) almost anything. Within reason. I'm not for the limiting of speech. But hate speech followed or preceded by violence ceases to be speech.
What disgusts me even more than this glaring lack of sense on the part of our judicial system is the fact that this man's dedication to hate did not disspate as he got older.
You are old go sit the f*ck down and wait to die and meet your maker.
I've never understood hating another group for something as arbitrary as race, gender, sexual orientation, or even religion (granted you can change that, but a lot goes into it).
It's disgusting.
But even in this tragedy, there is beauty. The security guard murdered was African-American. Perhaps it's too soon to memorialise him as a symbol of diversity, honor and goodness, but I'm going to. I think there's something in the message of his death and it's up to sane, decent people to reiterate throughout their lives by doing the right thing:judging and dealing with humans as individuals instead of as ideas.

So family vacation was (surprisingly) great. I say "surprisingly" because to be honest, I wasn't sure how an 8+ hour drive with the six other members of my family would be. However, it was beautiful.
I think I appreciated even more because this is one of the last times for the foreseeable future that my family is going to be together, all together. Ken is going to Virginia for school, I'm going to France for who knows how long, and our family is changing...It's crazy.

T-110

110 days until I leave.I'm really excited/am trying not to be because that's still a long way away.
110 days...I still must get my visa made in Chi-town, save way more money and basically get my life right in general.
I've tried to explain to people that going to France is a way of running away. I didn't want to go to grad.school right away or be employed full-time(not that this economy would have given me much of a choice) and I did want to go back to La France. I haven't given much thought to what comes next, because what comes isn't even here,but I am thinking law school either in the States or Europe. Or a Master's in Europe, then international law here, je sais pas. I have been feeling law school more after earning my A in Int'l Law.Although frustrating, I really enjoyed it and it would be a great way to justify living abroad when I become a real adult.
Fortunately, I have at least a year(maybe more? sais pas) to decided and see what I want.

Random topic change:
I love the internets and technology! I called one of my best friends in Espana (though the connection was kind of smeh) yesterday, got to chat briefly today and also called the Frenchie yesterday too. I got the answering machine because he was probably at work...
I don't know about him.
I'm trying to balance my hope for a continuation of what we had with the realisation it might not be...it might be childish,but I don't particularly care.
I am a fierce optimist though, so it's hard. Like when people say "Travel now because this is the only time in your life you'll be able to..." I struggle with indignation and disgust. Who is to say I can't do what I want? I know it will come at a price,but that will be up to me to decide...
That's all for now...
I had an interview for a second job this morning. If I get that, I will be ballin' as the kids like to say. Except not.
I don't know how I will do it,but I know it will be worth it.

Purgatory, NE

Whoa, so now I'm an alumna of the University of Okla.
So much happened between last post and this one. Primarily great experiences with my friends.
As of Monday all 5 of us are in different locales. It's exciting on one hand and a little bit like rushing into the future. Madame P. is in Israel, Ms. Mack is in Espana and I'm not jealous,I'm so happy for them, I just wish I was somewhere else as well...and I know in a few months I will be, I just hate waiting.

So what does a college graduate do?
Come back to work for the summer.
Here's the thing about me, I don't enjoy working retail. I used to think I didn't like working at all, but in reality, I enjoy work that either a) I want to do b) I find to be important or beneficial. This work this summer are the means for my end(well, beginning).
I'm content with working like this because I know it's a step along the way to my next destination: France.
I hate just existing and waiting to live my life, but that's what I'm kind of doing right now.
Just stacking my paper so I can have stacks on deck and also reading a lot.

Moments of relative boredom are good methinks. I have no idea what I'll be facing in France and it's probably best that I have a down summer before facing it.