Reflections for the New Year

I did something either very brave or very foolish at the end of December. Either way it was very honest. More on that as the month progresses.

I entered 2012 with optimism and hope and so far I haven't abandoned them. Yet.

I made a new friend. A Parisienne. I overheard her (attractive) friend speaking French and I vacillated between asking where they were from, en Francais, and not. I did. I'm glad I did, as most times I am when I've had the courage to walk up to people. We met for drinks this evening (rather, I had a cider, as a practising Muslim, my new friend doesn't drink)and got to know each other a bit. It's just as weird going on a friend date as it is going on a date for a romantic venture.

Life doesn't get less complicated as you grow older, it gets more complexed and nuanced, but perhaps more flavorful too. We'll see what the future holds, for now I have to take solace in the fact that I followed my heart...and nothing wrong ever occurs when that happens.

Right?

"Oh goodness how the time has flewn..."

Here we are, December 2011. A year from now the world will end, or so they say. But as for now, it exists.I'm in a weird place. A confidante says it's "adjustment disorder"...I think it's just freaking out about all the ch-ch-ch-ch-changes happening in my life. My unhappiness stems from a lot of sources.

Foreign Language.Class.

He said he that what he found to be most attractive was that I was "well-educated". To him that meant that I speak French fairly well and no a few words and phrases in a handful of other languages. Spanish.Arabic.Hebrew.

He taught me "My name is..." in Arabic.

stop.this.train.

i feel overwhelmed and despondent and melancholic. my role in my family is changing and i'm not sure i like it, nor do i know if i can handle this new role.

there's really no preparation for going from a child to adolescent to a young adult who tries to make their parents proud, to a young adult who tries to help her family because of the new context it finds itself in.

i wanted to go to hawaii at the end of september and know i shouldn't, because my family can use the money more. love means obligation and responsibility. one shouldn't be too swift to bandy the word about.

the tightrope between selfishness and responsibility.

Love Soon?

There are several songs that I feel exemplify my situation; the best one is by the sage John Mayer in Love Soon's chorus:
"You can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
Close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
It's not about you now
It's what we are..."

I've known this guy for 6 years. This is significant to me because there are a few people I've known for that long. Continuity is not one of the results of moving around often and living in 7 different states...so it goes. I met this guy when we were day camp counselors in the H. I noticed him, but forgot him until he nearly cut off my head with a frisbee in an intense round of counselor frisbee golf. Our flirtation grew that summer and when I went to school, I didn't know if we'd stay in touch.
We did.
4 years later I moved to France. Here we are 6 years removed from my near frisbee decapitation. We're in a cycle of out of state visits, embraces, and adventures. I don't know what to do or if anything should be done.
I DO however think that I'm sick of the slew of movies such as Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached and Love and Other Drugs that portray characters, especially women, who are blase and even repulsed by being in relationships.

I don't like this whole in limbo thing. Purgatory is not my bag of tricks. I'm supposed to be a free-spirited twentysomething, but I'm realizing more and more there's something to be said for commitment, stability, et al.


Disclaimer: this post NOT brought to you by everyone and their brother getting married.

Is this real life?

The last time I blogged was August of 2010. How is it already May 2011? Is this real life?
Since last time, I've moved to Dallas. Started working at a non-profit organization of sorts. Started establishing myself and am trying to refashion myself into an adult.

Nothing up to this point, or maybe everything up to this point has prepared me for this "adulthood"...more on that another day.

To say this has been an odd week would be an understatement.
I started off the week sharing my feelings in the most ridiculous of fashions with a long term friend. (As if I had never seen a bad romantic comedy in my life)Spent the rest of this week stressing out about that situation. Ever time my BlackBerry would light up, I thought it was him. It wasn't.

Then one day, out of the blue this individual contacted me after three years of nothingness. I shouldn't say nothingness. Three years of non-communication = several months of sporadic tears, daily prayers and finally about 2.85 years of acceptance and living. And now this.

I don't know what to do.

My mum seems to think my life is hilarious. Glad someone is laughing :)

Susbstitute Me-A Review

Disclaimer: I was a biased reader of this novel. I wanted to love it, and thus probably loved it even more than I would have, had I had no knowledge of Lori Tharps and Kinky Gazpacho so take the following with a grain of salt.
Substitute Me is author Lori Tharps' debut novel. She has previously co-written a book on African-American hair, which I haven't read and Kinky Gazpacho, which I read and loved.

Jose Ortega y Gasset, Spanish philosopher and essayist, wrote "yo so yoy y mi circunstancia" I am myself and my circumstances. Tharps seems to take this maxim to heart, as her circumstances naturally color and flavor her writing and world view. Multicultural themes play a huge part in her life. (Read Kinky Gazpacho, I shall not spill the beans)


One of the protagonists of Substitute Me is familiar to me. An upper middle class African-American woman with a love for elsewhere. Zora finds herself in New York City after time in France trying to find herself. Substitute Me is the story of her time nannying and all that that entails.

Our other protagonist is an ambitious,Type-A mom who is about to go back to work. While her world is unfamiliar to me, her story is just as compelling.

Two worlds collide as two women from similar backgrounds,but vastly different world views come into contact in a well-written story that will make you question what you think and know about relationships, class, race and love. Tharps writes easily and confidently about race without preaching, yet provides the opportunity for deeper discussions to occur.

Substitute Me is a great novel and I can't wait for its August 24th 2010 debut so everyone can benefit and love this story.
You can pre-order it on Amazon.com
If you decide not to pre-order, go ahead and scoop it up at your local bookstore of choice.

*Image taken from the Simon and Schuster Canadian site for the Book*