He said he that what he found to be most attractive was that I was "well-educated". To him that meant that I speak French fairly well and no a few words and phrases in a handful of other languages. Spanish.Arabic.Hebrew.
He taught me "My name is..." in Arabic.
06 August 2011
stop.this.train.
i feel overwhelmed and despondent and melancholic. my role in my family is changing and i'm not sure i like it, nor do i know if i can handle this new role.
there's really no preparation for going from a child to adolescent to a young adult who tries to make their parents proud, to a young adult who tries to help her family because of the new context it finds itself in.
i wanted to go to hawaii at the end of september and know i shouldn't, because my family can use the money more. love means obligation and responsibility. one shouldn't be too swift to bandy the word about.
the tightrope between selfishness and responsibility.
there's really no preparation for going from a child to adolescent to a young adult who tries to make their parents proud, to a young adult who tries to help her family because of the new context it finds itself in.
i wanted to go to hawaii at the end of september and know i shouldn't, because my family can use the money more. love means obligation and responsibility. one shouldn't be too swift to bandy the word about.
the tightrope between selfishness and responsibility.
08 July 2011
Love Soon?
There are several songs that I feel exemplify my situation; the best one is by the sage John Mayer in Love Soon's chorus:
"You can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
Close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
It's not about you now
It's what we are..."
I've known this guy for 6 years. This is significant to me because there are a few people I've known for that long. Continuity is not one of the results of moving around often and living in 7 different states...so it goes. I met this guy when we were day camp counselors in the H. I noticed him, but forgot him until he nearly cut off my head with a frisbee in an intense round of counselor frisbee golf. Our flirtation grew that summer and when I went to school, I didn't know if we'd stay in touch.
We did.
4 years later I moved to France. Here we are 6 years removed from my near frisbee decapitation. We're in a cycle of out of state visits, embraces, and adventures. I don't know what to do or if anything should be done.
I DO however think that I'm sick of the slew of movies such as Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached and Love and Other Drugs that portray characters, especially women, who are blase and even repulsed by being in relationships.
I don't like this whole in limbo thing. Purgatory is not my bag of tricks. I'm supposed to be a free-spirited twentysomething, but I'm realizing more and more there's something to be said for commitment, stability, et al.
Disclaimer: this post NOT brought to you by everyone and their brother getting married.
"You can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
Close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
It's not about you now
It's what we are..."
I've known this guy for 6 years. This is significant to me because there are a few people I've known for that long. Continuity is not one of the results of moving around often and living in 7 different states...so it goes. I met this guy when we were day camp counselors in the H. I noticed him, but forgot him until he nearly cut off my head with a frisbee in an intense round of counselor frisbee golf. Our flirtation grew that summer and when I went to school, I didn't know if we'd stay in touch.
We did.
4 years later I moved to France. Here we are 6 years removed from my near frisbee decapitation. We're in a cycle of out of state visits, embraces, and adventures. I don't know what to do or if anything should be done.
I DO however think that I'm sick of the slew of movies such as Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached and Love and Other Drugs that portray characters, especially women, who are blase and even repulsed by being in relationships.
I don't like this whole in limbo thing. Purgatory is not my bag of tricks. I'm supposed to be a free-spirited twentysomething, but I'm realizing more and more there's something to be said for commitment, stability, et al.
Disclaimer: this post NOT brought to you by everyone and their brother getting married.
07 May 2011
Is this real life?
The last time I blogged was August of 2010. How is it already May 2011? Is this real life?
Since last time, I've moved to Dallas. Started working at a non-profit organization of sorts. Started establishing myself and am trying to refashion myself into an adult.
Nothing up to this point, or maybe everything up to this point has prepared me for this "adulthood"...more on that another day.
To say this has been an odd week would be an understatement.
I started off the week sharing my feelings in the most ridiculous of fashions with a long term friend. (As if I had never seen a bad romantic comedy in my life)Spent the rest of this week stressing out about that situation. Ever time my BlackBerry would light up, I thought it was him. It wasn't.
Then one day, out of the blue this individual contacted me after three years of nothingness. I shouldn't say nothingness. Three years of non-communication = several months of sporadic tears, daily prayers and finally about 2.85 years of acceptance and living. And now this.
I don't know what to do.
My mum seems to think my life is hilarious. Glad someone is laughing :)
Since last time, I've moved to Dallas. Started working at a non-profit organization of sorts. Started establishing myself and am trying to refashion myself into an adult.
Nothing up to this point, or maybe everything up to this point has prepared me for this "adulthood"...more on that another day.
To say this has been an odd week would be an understatement.
I started off the week sharing my feelings in the most ridiculous of fashions with a long term friend. (As if I had never seen a bad romantic comedy in my life)Spent the rest of this week stressing out about that situation. Ever time my BlackBerry would light up, I thought it was him. It wasn't.
Then one day, out of the blue this individual contacted me after three years of nothingness. I shouldn't say nothingness. Three years of non-communication = several months of sporadic tears, daily prayers and finally about 2.85 years of acceptance and living. And now this.
I don't know what to do.
My mum seems to think my life is hilarious. Glad someone is laughing :)
17 August 2010
Susbstitute Me-A Review
Disclaimer: I was a biased reader of this novel. I wanted to love it, and thus probably loved it even more than I would have, had I had no knowledge of Lori Tharps and Kinky Gazpacho so take the following with a grain of salt.
Substitute Me is author Lori Tharps' debut novel. She has previously co-written a book on African-American hair, which I haven't read and Kinky Gazpacho, which I read and loved.
Jose Ortega y Gasset, Spanish philosopher and essayist, wrote "yo so yoy y mi circunstancia" I am myself and my circumstances. Tharps seems to take this maxim to heart, as her circumstances naturally color and flavor her writing and world view. Multicultural themes play a huge part in her life. (Read Kinky Gazpacho, I shall not spill the beans)
One of the protagonists of Substitute Me is familiar to me. An upper middle class African-American woman with a love for elsewhere. Zora finds herself in New York City after time in France trying to find herself. Substitute Me is the story of her time nannying and all that that entails.
Our other protagonist is an ambitious,Type-A mom who is about to go back to work. While her world is unfamiliar to me, her story is just as compelling.
Two worlds collide as two women from similar backgrounds,but vastly different world views come into contact in a well-written story that will make you question what you think and know about relationships, class, race and love. Tharps writes easily and confidently about race without preaching, yet provides the opportunity for deeper discussions to occur.
Substitute Me is a great novel and I can't wait for its August 24th 2010 debut so everyone can benefit and love this story.
You can pre-order it on Amazon.com
If you decide not to pre-order, go ahead and scoop it up at your local bookstore of choice.
*Image taken from the Simon and Schuster Canadian site for the Book*
09 August 2010
Susbstitute Me-book review coming :)
One of my favourite current authors, Lori Tharps has her debut novel being released on August 24, 2010.
I will have the pleasure of receiving a copy gratis before the release date so I can read it and review it. To say I'm stoked would be an understatement.
I first fell in love with Tharps' writing with "Kinky Gazpacho"
I felt like I was reading my life, just from someone older and who was a Hispanophile compared to my love of the Francophilia. Her writing style is warm and inviting and her narrative is such a great story.
Sigh.
I can't wait to receive, read and love "Substitute Me" and who knows, even re-start my manuscript.
I will have the pleasure of receiving a copy gratis before the release date so I can read it and review it. To say I'm stoked would be an understatement.
I first fell in love with Tharps' writing with "Kinky Gazpacho"
I felt like I was reading my life, just from someone older and who was a Hispanophile compared to my love of the Francophilia. Her writing style is warm and inviting and her narrative is such a great story.
Sigh.
I can't wait to receive, read and love "Substitute Me" and who knows, even re-start my manuscript.
20 July 2010
"Losing My Cool..." A review
My summer has been filled with books. In between longing for my return to France and acclimating to the Midwest I've read several books. Only one has compelled me to write about it: "Losing My Cool: How a Father's Love and 15,000 Books Beat Hip-Hop Culture"
*Disclaimer* Image taken from www.amazon.com
For people who have struggled with the conflict between fitting in and standing out,not feeling "black enough" , or simply with who they want to be, Thomas Chatterton Williams' first book is an invitation to decide. In "Losing My Cool: How a Father's Love and 15,000 Books Beat Hip-Hop Culture", Williams shares his journey from a caricature of hip-hop culture to an individual character.
Williams' memoir is the story of a young boy, who happens to be mixed, who is constantly pulled between two poles: the love his father has for him and learning and the most negative aspects of a seductive hip-hop culture that colored and discolored his interactions with his world.
Williams' story could be that of any black kid in the suburbs who tries to "keep it real", while unknowingly being fake. He shares his evolution without casting dispersions on those still caught up in image. This empathy is what keeps his narrative from being pretentious. He also stays away from stating that hip-hop is the devil.
Because it's not.
It's the importance that people place on the hip-hop image that is detrimental to their individual growth.
I will say that perhaps the title is misleading. I don't identify hip-hop the way Williams does. To me hip-hop is Lauryn Hill, Common, Mos Def, and The Roots to name a few. I wasn't allowed to listen to Biggie and a whole host of rapper when I was younger. I can identify with Williams to a certain extent. I,too,was sometimes not "black enough" but I couldn't even fake the funk, nor did I have a desire to. My own journey to hip-hop was a weird one. Growing up we listened to soul classics and country music more than anything else. I could sing you several George Strait songs before I could ever share 16 bars of Biggie. It wasn't until I got to college that I was introduced to hip-hop in a way where I could befriend it and it wasn't until my first heartbreak when I came to love it. So I've never been caught up in the desire to implement what I saw portrayed in some videos and songs.
I've read critiques of "Losing My Cool" that seem to disagree with a premise that I don't believe Williams makes. Hip-hop is not the root of all evil. (Nor does he exhibit self-hate.) I can see how one might think he is equating hip-hop culture with the whole of black culture. Again, I don't think he is. If anything he makes a case for reconsidering black culture's relationship to hip-hop (idealising entertainers over educators)and the case for the importance of individuality. Lastly, some will take offence to some of his black characters. Some are less than ideal individuals, such is life. That was his reality.
Not to criticise young Williams, but he did himself a world of hurt by forfeiting his choice to define himself. He says, "It was much easier to mime stereotypes than to invent ourselves as individuals."
The birth of Williams as an individual is an admirable one. From his imagined hard knock sometimes gritty streets of Jersey to the posh streets of Georgetown, Williams brings up several interesting, important questions that deserve answering or at least pondering: What is the nature of individuality? What does it mean to be black? What is real? How can one embrace hip-hop without being smothered by its negative aspects? Williams didn't set out to defend black culture or castrate hip-hop culture he simply has shared one narrative of millions about his relationship with the two-which of course are not synonymous.
Williams' story comes down to this (self-evident?) fact: there's more than one way to be black. Not every young black man must be an athlete or rapper. Not every young black woman must use her physical attributes for gain. Nor should they aspire to. Centuries after slavery's abolition, we are free to be individuals, but one would think it's easier to be enslaved to something whether it be to ignorance itself or ignorant images and messages.
This book is as relevant as it is timeless. It's well written and engaging. In an age where the United States of America has a black president it's time to reconsider how we as a people and as individuals will be defined. Hip-hop is not the only music that enriches the black American experience. It is a jazz number breathed to life by Miles or Louie Armstrong. It is a blues lament sung by Ella or Bessie Smith . Or it can be a country song shared by Charlie Pride or Darius Rucker.
Read this book and decide for yourself.
By the time I was finished reading this book, I wanted to force my younger brother to read it. However, I suspect that Williams would warn against this however well-intentioned act. No one can make anyone better. It's an individual choice.
Here's to choosing to be an individual instead of a negative image of a culture.
*Disclaimer* Image taken from www.amazon.com
For people who have struggled with the conflict between fitting in and standing out,not feeling "black enough" , or simply with who they want to be, Thomas Chatterton Williams' first book is an invitation to decide. In "Losing My Cool: How a Father's Love and 15,000 Books Beat Hip-Hop Culture", Williams shares his journey from a caricature of hip-hop culture to an individual character.
Williams' memoir is the story of a young boy, who happens to be mixed, who is constantly pulled between two poles: the love his father has for him and learning and the most negative aspects of a seductive hip-hop culture that colored and discolored his interactions with his world.
Williams' story could be that of any black kid in the suburbs who tries to "keep it real", while unknowingly being fake. He shares his evolution without casting dispersions on those still caught up in image. This empathy is what keeps his narrative from being pretentious. He also stays away from stating that hip-hop is the devil.
Because it's not.
It's the importance that people place on the hip-hop image that is detrimental to their individual growth.
I will say that perhaps the title is misleading. I don't identify hip-hop the way Williams does. To me hip-hop is Lauryn Hill, Common, Mos Def, and The Roots to name a few. I wasn't allowed to listen to Biggie and a whole host of rapper when I was younger. I can identify with Williams to a certain extent. I,too,was sometimes not "black enough" but I couldn't even fake the funk, nor did I have a desire to. My own journey to hip-hop was a weird one. Growing up we listened to soul classics and country music more than anything else. I could sing you several George Strait songs before I could ever share 16 bars of Biggie. It wasn't until I got to college that I was introduced to hip-hop in a way where I could befriend it and it wasn't until my first heartbreak when I came to love it. So I've never been caught up in the desire to implement what I saw portrayed in some videos and songs.
I've read critiques of "Losing My Cool" that seem to disagree with a premise that I don't believe Williams makes. Hip-hop is not the root of all evil. (Nor does he exhibit self-hate.) I can see how one might think he is equating hip-hop culture with the whole of black culture. Again, I don't think he is. If anything he makes a case for reconsidering black culture's relationship to hip-hop (idealising entertainers over educators)and the case for the importance of individuality. Lastly, some will take offence to some of his black characters. Some are less than ideal individuals, such is life. That was his reality.
Not to criticise young Williams, but he did himself a world of hurt by forfeiting his choice to define himself. He says, "It was much easier to mime stereotypes than to invent ourselves as individuals."
The birth of Williams as an individual is an admirable one. From his imagined hard knock sometimes gritty streets of Jersey to the posh streets of Georgetown, Williams brings up several interesting, important questions that deserve answering or at least pondering: What is the nature of individuality? What does it mean to be black? What is real? How can one embrace hip-hop without being smothered by its negative aspects? Williams didn't set out to defend black culture or castrate hip-hop culture he simply has shared one narrative of millions about his relationship with the two-which of course are not synonymous.
Williams' story comes down to this (self-evident?) fact: there's more than one way to be black. Not every young black man must be an athlete or rapper. Not every young black woman must use her physical attributes for gain. Nor should they aspire to. Centuries after slavery's abolition, we are free to be individuals, but one would think it's easier to be enslaved to something whether it be to ignorance itself or ignorant images and messages.
This book is as relevant as it is timeless. It's well written and engaging. In an age where the United States of America has a black president it's time to reconsider how we as a people and as individuals will be defined. Hip-hop is not the only music that enriches the black American experience. It is a jazz number breathed to life by Miles or Louie Armstrong. It is a blues lament sung by Ella or Bessie Smith . Or it can be a country song shared by Charlie Pride or Darius Rucker.
Read this book and decide for yourself.
By the time I was finished reading this book, I wanted to force my younger brother to read it. However, I suspect that Williams would warn against this however well-intentioned act. No one can make anyone better. It's an individual choice.
Here's to choosing to be an individual instead of a negative image of a culture.
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