08 February 2009

Je veux aller chex moi. I want to go home.

I want to go home.
When I became ill with the plague on Monday I knew I wanted to be in my Houston home with my family. But that is uite impossible,as we no longer live there. That's not even my family anymore.
Last night, when I woke up after a 5 hour "nap" at 00h30 and got pinched by discontent, I again wanted to go home.
Problem is, I don't know which home.
My family is in Nebraska. But they're also now in Oklahoma.
My homes, aren't just limited to seven different states I've lived in, they now include a little flat in Bordeaux. An even smaller place in Pessac. And even a a little country.
I haven't a clue where I really want to be. These moods come and go with me,but I fear that they will become even more freuent as my obligation to Oklahoma and in that sense, the States draws to an end.
What's to stop me from just leaving?
I don't know.
Not particularly, my family know how much I love them and how much that love has nothing to do with proximity.
I love my friends.The ones I seriously consider to be friends. There are under 10 people that I would miss being able to communicate with as I do now.
The only reason I want to get a job is so that I can give back to my parents because for far too long, I feel, I've been a burden on them.
I want to go home,but I know that I can't return to my high school home, the time for that has passed.
I said I don't know which home I want to go to,but that's not all the way true.
I do know...now I just need to find a way to make it happen. And marry that plan.

1 comment:

DMack said...

So am I supposed to know which home you picked at the end of this, or did you leave it a mystery on purpose? Or is it France?