12 February 2009

What the Eph Am I doing?

I watched Vicky Christina Barcelona yesterday and it hit me. Hard.
Like Chuck Norrised me in the chest, then Jack Bauered me for good measure.
The synopsis is two Americain women go over to Barca and fall in love in different ways and for different reasons with this beautiful man. Juan Antonio(Javier Bardem) who is from the beginning very honest with the two women. He tells them he's very attracted to both of them and invites them for a weekend. One chica is down (I kind of identified with her in some ways, yet I'm not as brave as her) and the other is like "Hold up", we don't know him etc.etc. All very valid points, but kind of irrelevant.
Anyway lots of points come up in the movie about desire, honesty, and love:
How often have you seen someone and been like Hot Damn! this happens to me freuently and usually I don't act on it. This is the "normal" way to live. But the great/interesting experiences have come when I've decided to not be "normal" and act on that initial feeling. Why don't I do it all the time? Because like Vicky, I'm afraid to act.
Afraid to act in relationships.
Afraid to act on sending my ficiton out into the world.
Afraid to do the things I really want to do every moment of the day.
Some amount of restraint is good and keeps me from being locked up, but the ability to live free and honest is so enticing to me.
So today I took a small step.
I sent an e-mail to a guy I met last semester.
I liked his hair. and his smile.
The worst case scenario? He doesn't respond. or he responds, I hate you. Go die.
Chances are this won't happen.
Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.
Or not.
But at least now I get the chance to figure out how this story ends?Or even if it does?
I don't know.
I think it's always better to know.
Even with the hurt. It's better to know.
SO from now, I'm going to do what I want to do. As long as it doesn't hurt anybody else.


JLuc22 said...

Kayle, I commend you. It takes courage and a some chance to do what you did. And even if it doesn't end well, be proud of yourself for even trying. Keep being you, and you will be all right.

DMack said...

I was gonna be "Domanique-ish" and say that I commend you too on your transition into stalkerdom. But I wont... I'll just Ditto on what justin said :)